In the last 2 days, I haven't felt sad, disappointed, or anxious when I don't speak to Jay at night. I don't go to sleep wondering if he's forgotten about me or if I'm insignificant. I am confident that we'll talk tomorrow if not today. I think to myself, "silence now doesn't mean silence forever."
My newfound calmness is weird. I've never felt quite like this before. Is it because we spent a "real" weekend together? Is it because I can now integrate him into my life AND understand he how integrates me into his?
I went to bed last night reflecting on this sudden different way of being. The greatest change is assuming that Jay is a staple in my life. I assume he will continue to be my life. I no longer question if he'll be there the next day.
What a minute.... is this what a healthy and secure attachment feels like? Because it's awesome. It means I don't have to spend so much frantic energy worrying about things that are out of my control (ex: he's not there the next day; he no longer likes me; he's going to fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth). I can focus on improving myself. I can also make short and long term plans without worrying about all the what-ifs.
What a minute.... is this what a healthy and secure attachment feels like? Because it's awesome. It means I don't have to spend so much frantic energy worrying about things that are out of my control (ex: he's not there the next day; he no longer likes me; he's going to fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth). I can focus on improving myself. I can also make short and long term plans without worrying about all the what-ifs.
Wow. What a different way to live. What an awesome way to just sit and "be."
I wonder how long this calmness will last because I like it!
I wonder how long this calmness will last because I like it!
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