NOT missing him

I haven't felt the familiar pangs of missing Jay in the last few days. I wonder why that is.  Could it be a bad sign? Am I feeling under-stimulated by this relationship? Or if I put on a positive spin, perhaps we are settling into a routine now?

Last Saturday was our 6 month anniversary of meeting each other. I found some old memories that dated us and he also recognized the significance of this month.  He said let's celebrate next weekend! So maybe we will. Who knows. He kind of lives in the moment, so we may forget to by the time we see each other.

I just feel so tired these last few days. I have been feeling constantly tired. I have to clean before he arrives. I have to do laundry. I have to make space for him.

I'm also anxious thinking about this weekend and the upcoming month.  All of my time outside of work is booked solid for the next few weeks: socially and professionally.  This weekend is a prime example of that kind of busy-ness that makes me feel tired already! Movie and panel discussion on Friday night, dinner/social outing on Sunday afternoon. Oh, and I asked Jay if he wanted to take a 4 hour road trip to a music festival. Why did I do that, by the way?

I feel so tired thinking about this weekend. I'm also nervous thinking about having to tell him about these plans. What if he thinks: Wow, those plans sound boring, I don't want to come. What if he thinks: I'm too busy and decides it's not worth his efforts to make the trip.

Anxiety + dread = immobilizing condition. No wonder I've been so unproductive in the last few days. No wonder I don't miss him. I don't have the energy left!