Couples Vacation

Jay and I have talked about taking a trip together to visit the city I lived in last year! I still have friends there. The summers are gorgeous there. And it would be my first trip with a partner-- ever.

I'm psyched, nervous, excited, and of course, there's dread.  I've realized that when there's excessive anxiety, I feel automatic dread.

I asked Jay yesterday how he feels about taking this trip in the next month. He's fine with it, and now the ball is in my court. Book those tickets?  I'm really quite nervous. What emotional reactions will I have when I'm back in the city reminiscing all the "should haves, would haves, could haves?"

What if I cry while I'm there because this trip is also a closure to the life I always imagined I'd be having? Flashing lights, happening people, city life.

What if, the things that are meaningful to me don't feel that way to him?

What if we want to do different things while we're there? Eat different things? See different things?

What if, what if, what if...

A couples trip is a BIG deal. I've heard that travelling can be a deal-breaker experience because that is when you see a version of your partner that is different from your day-to-day experience. That fact is nerve-wracking.

What if he sees something on this trip that completely horrifies him? (That would be me. He sees something in me that is horrifying?!)