He has not responded to my text from > 16 hours ago.
Who's counting the hours? I am!
Surprisingly, I'm OK.
My anxiety hasn't skyrocketed to outerspace.
I am not mentally pacing.
I am also not drowning in self-doubt and self-blame.
I am actually doing quite well, even if I say so myself.
That may change in the next few minutes or hours, though.
For now, I'm choosing to believe he's suuuuper busy.
A large part of my calmness has to do with his consistency throughout our relationship, so far. Since we initiated conversations in October, we have been in-touch every single day. Yes, every single day for the last (almost) 6 months! It is this kind of history that allows me to be okay with this temporary lapse (I hope) in communication. I mean, I'm his girlfriend, so he can't just disappear on me right now, can he? I've met his brother and parents. There's no way he could just peace out on me just like that, right? Still, we have no upcoming future plans together so that part is a little scary. Usually, when I begin to have some doubt about my relationships, I think about any upcoming events we've scheduled together to assure myself that he can't fall off the face of the earth.
As ridiculous as it sounds, thoughts like those bring me comfort. I think to myself: "He can't leave me right right now because we have plans to _____." Or, "He can't dump me and slip away in the night because in 2 weeks we have plans to ______. It's simplistic thinking, I know. And as I write this, I'm wanting to laugh and say ha! As though that would be enough to keep 2 people together. Still, it's how I've coped and so far, it has worked pretty damn well.
So, I'm going to keep coping and moving on with my day. Experiencing a little bit of anxiety but it's not dramatic and not bad at all considering I could easily be internally flipping out.
If only he knew that radio silence is the worst way to ever punish me. It is absolute torture and I would rather take direct (and even aggressive) confrontation from someone saying "I hate you! Get away from me." I would take that any day over this: not knowing, waiting, possibly being abandoned as we speak.
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