Honesty without apology

I have an interview coming up in a few days and I am nervous!

Today, I had a practice-interview with a previous supervisor who knows my clinical work.  Just sitting with her soothed my nerves.  She let me just "be" and she was so open and embracing that I found myself feeling good about myself without even knowing it!

Being with people like her remind me of who I was before I experienced serious self-doubt.  I don't know if this has to do with B. entirely, but I do find myself being reminded of what I was like before, when I felt good about myself, my work, my abilities, my characteristics, my sense of me.

That's it!  I am getting bits of pieces of "me" through my interactions with people these days.  Throughout a large part of my relationship with B., I avoided people, I dodged conversations and kept them superficial, and I hid.  I hid so much because of my shame.  I hid because I didn't know how to explain, let alone understand the relationship we were in.  It's been so lonely.  And now, as I emerge back into a healthy lifestyle, with friends, deep social connections, and the ability to be open, genuine, and honest with myself and with them-- I remember what it's like to be me.  I remember what it's like to face each day and each person without shame, embarrassment, confusion, avoidance, and dread.  It feels so good to just "be."  Feels good to be "just me."

My previous supervisor also gave me really a good piece of advice for interviewing.  Her advice is actually so good, I'm going to apply it to my life as well.  She said to me that in any interview, she believes that one should approach it honestly.  In fact, her exact words were: "honesty without apology."

I love it.  I want to live my life this way too! I want to face myself this way too!  I am honest about the mistakes that I have made, the insecurities that I have, and I am able to accept that I am still working to figure myself out and to figure out how to be in good, healthy relationships.  I don't have to be so apologetic that I shame myself into a hole.  I can just accept that I am where I am, and that the journey is continuous.  HONESTY WITHOUT APOLOGY.

I love it.