Heading to my time capsule tomorrow

I'm going home tomorrow!  Must. take. deep breath.

I just looked up Robert's name online, and of course, there's nothing to be found.  I don't know why he's such a... secretive person in general.  What's worse is my compulsion to dig his information to know more about him.

If someone wants to run away from you, run far far from you, and to go somewhere hidden so you can never find him, then why oh why do I spend so much time and effort wondering and even searching?

"If you love something, let it go.  If it comes back, then you know."

I know. What I know is that without intending to let go, it has already flown far far away from me.  And not only that, it has purposely hidden itself from me (and from the rest of society) because it doesn't want to be discovered. It doesn't want to belong to me.  It doesn't want to come back.  And even though it hasn't been back for years, I haven't been able to accept that that's the answer.

I don't want to.  I don't want to accept that as the answer. I'm still waiting for him to come back.  When that happens, then I'll choose to know.  For now, I don't know. I'm still... waiting.