Bed time

Since my nightmare, I've had difficulty falling asleep at night.
As soon as I climb into my bed, my mind starts running at a million miles per hour.
I find myself unable to stop thinking about relationships.
I think about B. certainly.  But then I also think about previous ex-boyfriends and begin to reflect on why those fizzled out and why those were bad decisions as well.

In any case, that's what my process to sleep has been.  I'm just lying in bed thinking about my romantic history and all the negativity and heartache I've gone through.  I think about my feelings for each of those individuals now.  And I think about how I felt towards them when we had immediately just broken up.  And that brings some relief because in reality, my feelings toward them lean closer to apathy than any other emotional feeling.

The only reason I'm even thinking about them is because of my breakup with B. and how this triggers all of my previous relationships so that I'm prompted to reflect on it all.  Still, I have tons of thoughts swimming through my head each night, and I remind myself to journal it all in the morning.

Morning arrives, finally, and alas, I sit in front of my journal with... nothing.