I am love-able challenge: Day 1

I am love-able because...

...
...
...

Um, this project is way harder than anticipated. It took me a few minutes longer to fall asleep last night because I was ransacking my brain for something anything to write for today.

Half a day later, I am still empty-handed.


Oh! I got it!

This morning, I called to make reservations at a fancy restaurant for me & Jay this Friday night (Valentine's day!). This will be my first Valentine's Day celebration, being with a the person that I am in a relationship with!  In the past, I've either celebrated it via long-distance dating, or not at all because my ex-boyfriend was disgusted by these "stupid American capitalistic holidays."  It didn't matter to him that I loved the romance, the excitement, the drama, and the overemphasis placed on being extra lovey-dovey for an entire day.

Jay has no idea what I have planned for him: a pre-set meal that involves appetizer, salad, main course, and a dessert in a nice restaurant with live music! I also got him some expensive bicycle lights as a gift. I did my some thorough research on the best kind of lights for commuter biking. I also made this decision without getting the OK from Jay's brother. For Jay's birthday last month, I picked out the perfect present for him thanks to brotherly input. This time, I'm taking a significant risk by going with my gut instinct.

I am surprised by my own proactive decision to make plans for Friday night! I wonder how much this has to do with being in a secure and happy relationship. Because for the most part, that's what being with Jay has been like (outside of my head, that is). I have decided take risks by:

- planning our dinner date
- getting him a vday present
- writing him an awesome card (I already have it planned out what I'll say)

In taking this risks, I have my answer for this challenge!

I am loveable because... I am willing to take risks in the name of love!

I am willing to put my heart on-the-line and take a non-traditional gender role approach to being the planner, the one who will wine-and-dine my beau, and to sweep him off of his feet! I even have the lingerie planned for the night, so it will be a night of sweet romance and candle-light sexiness! :)

There are so many ways the night can go wrong-- and the risks feel pretty mortifying. Want to know my fears? To begin, he might think I'm too over-the-top, dramatic, and wasteful. I am spending quite a lot of money on this dinner (even if it's the most affordable and best-value-option!). Perhaps he might even think I'm trying to buy his love by showering him with all of this wonderfulness! In contrast to how he feels about me, he could also perceive me as being overly-attached and making too much meaning out of our relationship. It's been only 4 months that we're together, and maybe he doesn't see the point of having such a big celebration for such a short courtship so far? He might find me too warm and fuzzy and unrealistic about love and relationships.

There is so much at risk and it is terrifying (but liberating to write it all out!). It's for the reasons that I consider myself love-able and even bordering on being brave! Go, me!