us & you ≠ me?

In a healthy relationship, me + you = us, and

1) me = me
2) you = you
3) us = us

In MY relationships, I have never thought about this formula and have blurred the boundaries so that

1) me = you
2) you = you
3) us = you


So during and after a relationship, I end up screwed because there isn't "me" anywhere in the equation. I lose my sense of identity, my sense of self-concept, and my entire sense of worthiness. When there is no longer an "us", it feels automatic to believe that there is no longer a "me" as well.

So this is a wake-up call for me to start understanding that relationships and identities should not be so enmeshed.  I'm working on reminding myself that:

there is you.
there is me.
and there is us.

me ≠ you.

me ≠ us.

me = me.

Q: Ah, but what if we break-up one day?
A: Well, there will still be me.  there will still be you.  there just won't be an us. But that's OK because me can survive.  and so will you. we just won't be doing it together. We will persevere and sooner or later we will find ourselves in another equation with other "me"s and other "you"s.

Q: Are you sure me will survive us breaking up?
A: me should not dissolve just because us dissolves.  Me existed even before us came along!  Regardless of what happens to us, me exists: in body, mind, spirit, in time, and in space.  me has a life to live and can continue onward with the journey. It may feel like there is nothing left in this world, but me does not have to melt away and dissipate.  me can move on even if us doesn't move on.

Q: Move on to what?
A: To whatever it is me wants!  To meet a you that has the same value as me. To interact with you a you that makes us healthy together and apart.

Q: But me doesn't even know where to begin. What does me want?  Me is so good at adapting to any kind of situation and any type of you you. me is a chameleon that can blend into any backdrop! me wants to make you happy.

A: But is me happy? Ever? Who is me?  What does me want? What does me believe in?  What are me's hopes and dreams? What actually makes me happy? And what is unacceptable for me?

Q: Me don't know...
A: This is the perfect time to find out.