Well, Don wrote back this weekend and I just read his email. He asked how I'm doing these days and also apologized for not responding sooner because he's just so swamped with work. And then he also wrote this (which made me cry just a little):
"You have nothing to apologize for. It's a part of life that friends tend to lose touch for different reasons, but it doesn't mean you stop being friends. We both have probably been busy with this thing called life, with the various things in it -- it can occupy a lot of time and make you lose track of things, time, or people. By all means don't think you did anything wrong because you didn't."
I feel a bit moved by his words, and I feel enveloped in his compassion and understanding. It's been awhile since I've felt that, since my previous relationships have been mostly criticisms and lack of respect for difference. Most of my ex-boyfriends have been negative, pessimistic, and lacking validation and empathy. So, it comes as a HUGE surprise to me to get this kind of response.
Must. give. myself. reality. check. though. I am NOT going to fantasize a reunion with him this time. Or impose some kind of "what if" about being more than friends. I'm just going to take it as-it-is, and appreciate his understanding and friendship. His response is a corrective experience for me. Perhaps in future relationships, (platonic or romantic) I won't anticipate someone leaving and cutting it off prematurely. And perhaps I won't always feel like having to apologize to try to fix whatever rupture I think has happened.
One thing's for sure, Don is still such a positive influence in my life, swooping in to save the day, or more accurately, save me from me.
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