I'm weird only because my environment says I am.

I responded to a high school friend's email about being single and feeling like a creature within her social circle.  I've copied my email to this entry because it captures my feelings perfectly.  It's actually a topic I've been thinking about all week.  And now, it's even more authentic because it's exactly what I say to dear old friend of mine...


"...I can definitely say I know how you feel about your friends from group 2.  The difference between me and you is that my ONLY friends in category 1 are you guys and a handful of gals from college.  About 99.99% of my interactions since grad school has been with group 2: the soon-to-be-married, already-married, and the married-with-kids gals.  Heck, I went to 2 weddings in the past 3 weeks, and 2 of my friends here just announced that they are pregnant and expecting.  


I did online dating 3 years ago and used match.com.  I told a couple of friends who also then got into it, and two of them actually found their husband and fiancee, respectively. It's pretty crazy how quickly it happened for them, but it works for some people.  For me, online dating was more bad than good. It blew up in my face and I met asshole after asshole after asshole. Could be because I'm here.  It could also be that I'm just bad at picking out the good ones from the jackasses.  


Being in the midwest is really unique.  Everyone around me has settled.  They have their roots here, they have their ancestries there, and so often, I see 3 generations of families having dinner together, going to the farmers market together, going to the football game together... It makes me feel like something is wrong with me because I'm so mobile and everything is so temporary.  I have NO idea where I'll be going for internship next year.  And it's equally ambiguous where I'll work after internship.  Nothing's certain in my life, and that is the opposite of security, stability, settling down, and having babies.  


But I found hope last week.  Over the weekend when I was in Texas, I met a boy! He's from Berkeley, CA and he is studying architecture and likely going to Spain next year to study some more buildings. As fun as it was to flirt, he did a lot for me than he'll ever know. He rejuvenated me and gave me inspiration to realize that there are people like me...... just not here in the midwest.  He doesn't know where he'll be next year and he doesn't want to know where he'll be in 3 years.  He considers himself a traveller.  Before going to school, he spent 3 years in Texas, has now spent 3 years in CA, and now? Who knows? 3 years in Spain, perhaps? Who knows what's next? Maybe Japan?  


Talking to him was so rejuvenating. He reminded me of.. me!  My life, my journey, my previous outlook on life-- but his attitude is SO much different from my attitude these days. And he is filled with optimism and excitement.  It was also the first wedding he ever went to, which makes me laugh because this just shows the cultural stereotype of midwesterners getting married early.  In another city, with another group of friends, I would be the norm: single, unattached, young.  But being that I'm in this context, I'm a total anomaly.  I am always the 7th wheel, the 11th wheel, or the 13th wheel.  They always have to add 1 extra seat for me because I am ALWAYS the single girl in a group of couples.  But anyways, back to this berkeley boy. Ever since talking to him, I've decided to re-connect with myself. I've been thinking about my life differently, and rather than feel like I'm 3 steps behind everyone (step 1: meet a boy, step 2: marry the boy, step 3: have a baby), I feel free and mobile, and I feel like the world is my oyster.  


But that's just this week. If I see another "engaged" status change on facebook, my outlook will probably change."