On Wednesday, B. actually sent me a message online.
On Sunday, I saw both B.'s best friend and his ex-girlfriend's sister.
These events have sent me backtracking quite a bit. I have been thinking about Don quite a lot, ever since. He was my go-to person before I met B. I wonder why Don doesn't bother to email or call me, and I wonder if this is a form of rejection. Rejection by your rebound-- that's gotta send your ego spiraling.
Yesterday was also Don's birthday, and like I did 3 years ago, I sent him an e-card. I don't know what I want in return, but I feel like I've been waiting all day. I definitely want a response. But what exactly, I'm not sure. I caught myself fantasizing all day about him, too. And I fantasized the feeling that I hope to one day have when I feel safe, secure, and loved again.
Unfortunately, I know (logically) that the only way to heal is to do this on my own. I need to say bye to all of the negativity that pain that B. brought into my life. I need to deal with the rejection and self-doubt on my own without bringing anyone else into my story.
My brother sent me this picture on my iphone and I've been looking at it all week. I love this image and the simplicity of the message. ALSO, it happens to be carved onto an apple which is symbolic because B. is currently living in the big apple. There it is. Bye. Not goodbye. Just... bye.
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