So, I may have opened Pandora's box by clicking my way through facebook.
Since getting back from Jay's this weekend, his friends and I have been adding each other on Fb and I've been privy to seeing pictures of Jay and his life. Since Jay deactivated his facebook account, this is the only glimpse I have into his life!
Picture after picture, I've been able to see images of him throughout the years! 2014, 2012, 2009... Suddenly, I see pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend. Couple-y pictures, fun pictures. But even more uncomfortable are pictures of them in his living room-- the exact living room I was in, and the exact sofa I was sitting on, merely 24 hours ago.
I feel nauseous seeing those pictures and wonder if that is the reason he isn't on facebook anymore. Is it because he still likes her and can't bear to see pictures of her on Fb? Although their breakup was amicable, does keeping each other's pictures on fb have any additional emotional meaning on either one of their parts? I mean, they've been in each other's lives for the last decade. DECADE! How do you erase one another out of your lives, just like that? How do you stop feeling for that person, especially if the break-up wasn't painful whatsoever?
What's to stop them from getting back together?
Is it only a matter of time before Jay realizes he wants to be back together?
I'm not sure if my mind is running away or if I'm onto something scarily true. When I saw those pictures, I experienced the same emotional reaction as seeing emails that B. had written other women when I caught him cheating on me. It's the same exact feeling, as though I've been betrayed. My heart feels like it literally dropped down, split open and there's no air to be found.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
No comments:
Post a Comment