This past weekend with Jay re-charged me so that I feel only contentment and stability.
Friday night, I arrived late and we got to spend some time hugging and kissing before we ran some errands for Saturday's party. I was exhausted and it was so great to go to bed together.
Early Saturday morning, we woke up so he could make his infamous pico de gallo while I showered and got dressed for the party. We spent the next 12 hours partying with his friends: drinking, eating, laughing, dancing... I basically met all of his friends and he later told me they all liked me! One of the other girls also told me in-secret that Jay must really like me. At the beginning when we first started dating, he would reveal nothing to them, other than "her name is Sher." They doubted my existence until I met them at another event a few months ago, and had thought "wow, she's pretty too!" (NOTE: This is the best compliment I've ever gotten-- ever!). Jay's friend added that he talks about me all the time these days and is never in town because he is driving to see me. She asked if I would occasionally drive to them so we can hang out, and she joked that Jay should share my contact information so they can contact me to do fun things together. Granted, she was in a drunken haze while she was speaking, but it was still so flattering and so exciting that she kept saying how cool I am, and how much she wants Jay to bring me around more.
While we were celebrating on Saturday, I learned a lot about Jay. He fell from a porch in the middle of the celebration and rolled onto the grass before jumping back on his feet and climbing back onto the porch pole. It was such a slow-motion fall, and his return was so fast that people didn't have time to react (Jay often gets hurt so he's mastered the art of falling, and even during his fall, I felt only helplessness and also a bit of awe). It was the first time I've seen Jay so proud. I've always thought he was less focused on ego, but his fall showed me exactly where his sense of self-concept is. When people rushed over to see how he was doing, he held his hand up as to say, "back off NOW" and very quickly returned to his original position back onto the porch. While subtle, it was his pride saying, pay no attention here!-- and he was loud and clear. His silence was intimidating and my maternal instincts had to jump back so that all I said was: "are you OK?" and then backing off completely. I later told Jay about my perception of him, to which he repeated: "yup, that's why I think you totally get me."
After an entire day of festivities, Jay and I also ended up making love-- and I say that phrase specifically because I actually said the 3 little words in the middle of that activity. I'm quite embarrassed by it because I've always thought that saying such intimate words during the act was somewhat lame. But I did it, and it came out impulsively, assertively, and without apology. In the middle of our lovemaking, I had grabbed his face and said, "honey, I love you" without worrying about his reaction; and just as quickly as those words came out, he replied, "I love you too." It was lovemaking, and it was just me and him in the world. Afterwards, we slept for about 11 hours because we were so exhausted!
On Sunday, we spent the day lounging at home, eating omelets he made, watching tv shows we liked, and then having dinner with his brother and brother's girlfriend. I left later at night and continued to feel secure, probably because I know when I'll see him next and because he has invited me to meet his parents! The plan for this upcoming week is this:
- Tomorrow, I'm seeing Jay because the celebrations reign on and we are meeting mid-way so that he can celebrate with me and my friends this time around.
- I'm also driving down this weekend to see Jay because his mom and dad are coming and he would like me to meet them!
I'm exhausted, excited, and relieved all at the same time. I'm so tired that I slept 9.5 hours after driving home last night; and even then, I still feel utterly drained. The sheer exhaustion must be due to the accumulation of last week's anxiety and the week before.
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