Being single, and love

I am a single mother to a 2-year-old dog who is recently adopted and who initially seemed like the dream dog.  He is still my dream dog, of course, but he is not as laid-back as I thought he was, and he is not actually potty-trained, and I suspect he has some serious separation anxiety issues because he chewed off chunks of my door frame this morning and has been soaked in his own vomit/pee for 2 consecutive mornings in a row....

Because I've never really had a pet before (other than goldfish that I overfed and a turtle that I underfed-- both in elementary school), raising Mr. Z. is quite stressful for me even though I have read/watched numerous books, articles, and shows about raising a dog.  I KNOW A LOT!  I know information at a theoretical level, but actually being responsible for a life-- on my own-- is quite scary.

I signed up to be a single mom and completed the adoption process the day after I broke up with B.  Adopting Mr. Z. was actually the catalyst for the break-up because I knew I could not parent with someone like him, I did not want to parent with someone like him, and because I knew that whatever life I would bring into my life would deserve better than whatever/however B. would treat him.

So I am proud to say that I am a single mom of an adorable dog, but I have to also say that it's kind of hard and that I kind of wish I had someone to rely on.  I kind of wish I could just sleep and not worry if he needs to potty (because he won't tell me), and that I can go to meetings without worrying about how to leave the house without getting Mr. Z nervous, and also being anxious about what the house will look like when I come home. I am dreading the day when we may have to run to the emergency vet clinic one night, at an ungodly hour when something may happen and I will have to make a decision by myself for him.  Will I make the right decisions? Will I know what is happening? Will I know what to do in the moment?  I don't even feel like I know what I'm doing now, much less how I'll respond in an emergency.

The best thing about having a dog though, is feeling the love that he has for me.  It's quite healing to be loved unconditionally and to see the appreciation and the joy that he has for simple things like taking a walk, getting food, playing with his toys. His presence grounds me and helps me to be able to sit-in-the-moment to just be.  Thanks, Mr. Z.  Thanks for taking care of me.  I'll do my best to take care of you too.