Time off

I'm taking a month-long trip away from home to visit extended family. This trip was planned long ago, before adopting Mr. Z, my new doggy.  I've made extensive plans to have him stay with friends of mine -- a couple who already own two dogs of their own as well as a 1-year old darling boy. They are the epitome of attaining the American dream, with their beautiful home in the suburbs, a yard and fencing, dogs, and the most healthy and loving relationship with one another. They are the family/couple that everyone aspires to model after. So, I could not imagine a better temporary home for Mr. Z while I am travelling!

I'm also taking this time away to read more on being a doggy mommy. I actually just finished Cesar Millan's book: "Member of the family"-- and it was fantastic.  I can now vouch that for every woman/man who needs to work on greater self-introspection, getting a doggy can be the most healthy way for living and receiving love in return.

Nevertheless, I go to sleep and wake up thinking about B. and about our breakup.  I sometimes go to sleep feeling angry for things that happened long ago. Back before he was even caught cheating, heck, back when we first started dating and the red flags were waving in the air even then!  Looking back, hindsight certainly is 20/20.  In fact, I can now see things that I didn't want to see before. What kind of vision would you describe that to be? It's like being tested at the optometrist's! I realize now that the O was never an O.  It was perhaps a Q all along, but I didn't want to see the little tail that came with it.

Seeing how I am surrounded by extended family members practically 24/7, there has been little time for silent self-reflection. I am not ready for deep introspection either, so instead, I have been throwing myself into learning about dog psychology, dog training, and everything dog-related that could make me a better doggy mommy when I return home. I'm not sure what I miss sometimes. The truth is that as much as I miss Mr. Z, I can't help but think about the breakup as well, and to say aloud "I miss my dog" when in actuality, I am feeling like "I miss my ex-boyfriend".  I simply have a strong sense of missing someone/something (perhaps both?) and a profound feeling of absence in my heart.