A few years ago, my therapist literally told me to stop saying the word "clingy" in the middle of a therapy session. She had tallied the number of times I said it within only a few minutes, and apparently I said it numerous times. She asked me why I kept using that word and applying it to myself.
So, I explained.
First of all: Wedding Crashers is probably one of my favorite movies ever.
Secondly: the scene really stuck with me, when Vince Vaughn (aka the character Jeremy) freaks out and says he's gotta leave--pronto-- because he's got a stage-5 clinger. Clearly, a S5C is equivalent to freshly chewed gum smeared onto your brand new shoe from the burning hot pavement. You just want it off and away from you ASAP.
In recent years, I have a newfound respect for S5Cs. They are courageous and gutsy because they pursue who/what they want! There was no shame involved in Wedding Crashers when Isla Fisher (aka the character Gloria) pursued Jeremy at full force. It appeared that she was 100% authentic, transparent, and honest with herself (**SPOILER ALERT** if you haven't already watched it-- it turns out she did like about some important facts, but the main point is that she pursued her romantic interest with her true heart of hearts).
Me, on the other hand? I think I'm an undercover S5C. At least, my greatest fear is that I'm a S5C to begin with. I'm definitely someone that constantly strives to be vulnerable and isn't that the same as being a clinger? I fear that disclosing my wants, needs, desires, is equivalent to letting someone realize how insecure I really am.
- What if what I ask for is too much?
- What if I seem too needy?
- What if he is unable to give me what it takes to "fill up my gas tank?"
- What if he chooses not to reciprocate?
What if, what if....
These questions inevitably lead to me shutting off all my questions. On the surface, I appear to be calm and easy going. But what's actually happening inside is that a million questions are flying out and I am trying to smash them away so that I don't reveal my true fears.
I read this awesome blog today that distinguished vulnerability from neediness. In short, the author shared that that vulnerability is about "being (you)," whereas neediness is about "expecting" from others. Vulnerability is based on the self. It's about how I want to be. Neediness however, is entirely dependent on the other person's response, and so it is outcome-based and dependent on someone else.
It was such a great blog post, I have so much thinking to do.
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