I've returned to scouring the interwebs for cool food blogs.
Specifically, I've been looking for raw, vegan blogs that showcase vivid, colorful, unprocessed food in their natural state. Raw zucchini lasagnas, eggplant towers, homemade sushi...
Picture after picture, I have felt inspired and rejuvenated to return to my previous lifestyle of eating clean. I can do it!
Enchanted forest
Fall decoration @ Bellagio Hotel, Las Vegas, October 2010
Showing posts with label paleo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label paleo. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Hiding my needs
I went to a conference last week and had an impromptu reunion with friends. We had deep discussions about relationships and I realized how much I continue to hold back parts of myself from my partner.
Take eating, for example. For the last 2 years or so, I have mostly been eating a non-gluten, low carb diet. It has been called paleo, given it is mostly "cavemen" foods, such as meat, berries, leafy green vegetables, and some fruits. With consistent exercise and a balanced diet, I've lost some weight and gained muscle. I've been in the best shape of my life and felt leaner, more energized, motivated, and confident. But enter the dating scene and all of my self-care has gone out the window.
Especially since Jay, I've had zero self-control in my eating habits. In fact, I've been stuffing my face with no restraint.
A little bit about Jay and what he likes: Jay loves eating pizza, especifically thin-crust pepperoni. His comfort food is cheeseburger from fast-food place. Other favorites include biscuits with gravy and fried chicken. With most meals, he generally orders a diet coke. At times, we drive to gas stations where he'll pick up a sports drink and a bar of chocolate (usually a Butterfinger). He has a sweet tooth for all things sugar-y, including sour candies and most definitely chocolates.
Since being with him, I've gained 10 pounds. That means my clothes feel tight, my energy level is low, my body feels out-of-whack, and I generally feel down about physical presentation.
Now, Jay doesn't force me to eat the way he does. But when we talk about options for dining, his preferences are generally his options for me. In turn, I feel stuck, so I say "whatever you want" and I usually end up eating terribly unhealthy and feeling miserable in my body. He has no idea, of course.
It's my fault for not speaking up. At 11pm the other night, he suggested getting biscuits and gravy from a fast-food drive-through. I freaked-out in my head because all I wanted an egg so that I could fill-up on lean protein before going to bed. But for fear of disappointing him, I consented to his decision. So, at 1130pm, we ate biscuits, gravy, jam/jelly, and soda. I probably put on 5 pounds just from that meal.
My friend pointed out to me that I can easily have said no and offered to make myself an egg even if he wanted to go to a drive-through. It's OK to have different eating habits, she said, and to assert my needs.
Assert them?
That was when I realized that I don't even voice them!
I hide my voice for fear of what he thinks about the real me!
Take eating, for example. For the last 2 years or so, I have mostly been eating a non-gluten, low carb diet. It has been called paleo, given it is mostly "cavemen" foods, such as meat, berries, leafy green vegetables, and some fruits. With consistent exercise and a balanced diet, I've lost some weight and gained muscle. I've been in the best shape of my life and felt leaner, more energized, motivated, and confident. But enter the dating scene and all of my self-care has gone out the window.
Especially since Jay, I've had zero self-control in my eating habits. In fact, I've been stuffing my face with no restraint.
A little bit about Jay and what he likes: Jay loves eating pizza, especifically thin-crust pepperoni. His comfort food is cheeseburger from fast-food place. Other favorites include biscuits with gravy and fried chicken. With most meals, he generally orders a diet coke. At times, we drive to gas stations where he'll pick up a sports drink and a bar of chocolate (usually a Butterfinger). He has a sweet tooth for all things sugar-y, including sour candies and most definitely chocolates.
Since being with him, I've gained 10 pounds. That means my clothes feel tight, my energy level is low, my body feels out-of-whack, and I generally feel down about physical presentation.
Now, Jay doesn't force me to eat the way he does. But when we talk about options for dining, his preferences are generally his options for me. In turn, I feel stuck, so I say "whatever you want" and I usually end up eating terribly unhealthy and feeling miserable in my body. He has no idea, of course.
It's my fault for not speaking up. At 11pm the other night, he suggested getting biscuits and gravy from a fast-food drive-through. I freaked-out in my head because all I wanted an egg so that I could fill-up on lean protein before going to bed. But for fear of disappointing him, I consented to his decision. So, at 1130pm, we ate biscuits, gravy, jam/jelly, and soda. I probably put on 5 pounds just from that meal.
My friend pointed out to me that I can easily have said no and offered to make myself an egg even if he wanted to go to a drive-through. It's OK to have different eating habits, she said, and to assert my needs.
Assert them?
That was when I realized that I don't even voice them!
I hide my voice for fear of what he thinks about the real me!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Disordered eating
I tried to continue my Paleo lifestyle during my mama's visit. I resisted all of her attempts to feed me breads, sugar, sauces... basically anything that wasn't meat, vegetables, or fruit.
Throughout her trip, my mom kept telling me how "uncomfortable" she felt about my diet. In her opinion, removing anything from one's diet altogether is bad. And as I listened to her, I became more convinced that I should wean myself off of Paleo and return back to a well-balanced, well-rounded diet consisting of mostly everything (except sugars and other unprocessed foods). What I mean to say is, I think it's time to re-introduce cheeses, grains (whole), and other natural carbs back into my system, including legumes.
My fear is that if I continue going Paleo, my body may start to develop sensitivities and allergies to foods that I'm not eating. Because I started Paleo being able to eat everything, I don't want to create an intolerance because of such a strict dietary lifestyle.
So, as I'm weaning myself off of this diet, I'm surprised to find that returning to "normal eating" has been very very hard. I can understand now, why some people describe their eating disorder to be the best friend and most loyal company they have. Without Paleo for the past 2 days, I feel like I've lost structure in my day to day life. I've lost routine, I've lost direction, and I feel completely unsure and unconfident in my eating habits. There is no guarantee for anything and my body no longer feels pure. I feel like I'm gaining weight, even though I'm probably not. The perfectionist in me is screaming at me to go back to Paleo. I physically feel feel like I am dirtying my insides every time I eat foods that are non-Paleo. This must be what an eating disorder can feel like, and I'm recognizing now, how much my eating habits were giving me a sense of control amidst chaos.
That's scary.
The more I read about healthy living and eating, the less guarantees there are about eating well. Some say eat fruits and veggies. Other say, no no, you can only eat organic fruits and veggies. Some say reduce your portions of red meat and other sources of animal fat. Others say, nono, pile on the meats or else you will lose your muscle tissues!
Apparently, there are no right or wrong answers to eating healthy, and it is based on one person's body type and knowledge of what is best for you-- specifically. At this point in time, however, I feel like there are very distinct right versus wrong decisions and I am either right or wrong. This mentality immobilizes me so that I'm in a state of fear... and hunger.
Throughout her trip, my mom kept telling me how "uncomfortable" she felt about my diet. In her opinion, removing anything from one's diet altogether is bad. And as I listened to her, I became more convinced that I should wean myself off of Paleo and return back to a well-balanced, well-rounded diet consisting of mostly everything (except sugars and other unprocessed foods). What I mean to say is, I think it's time to re-introduce cheeses, grains (whole), and other natural carbs back into my system, including legumes.
My fear is that if I continue going Paleo, my body may start to develop sensitivities and allergies to foods that I'm not eating. Because I started Paleo being able to eat everything, I don't want to create an intolerance because of such a strict dietary lifestyle.
So, as I'm weaning myself off of this diet, I'm surprised to find that returning to "normal eating" has been very very hard. I can understand now, why some people describe their eating disorder to be the best friend and most loyal company they have. Without Paleo for the past 2 days, I feel like I've lost structure in my day to day life. I've lost routine, I've lost direction, and I feel completely unsure and unconfident in my eating habits. There is no guarantee for anything and my body no longer feels pure. I feel like I'm gaining weight, even though I'm probably not. The perfectionist in me is screaming at me to go back to Paleo. I physically feel feel like I am dirtying my insides every time I eat foods that are non-Paleo. This must be what an eating disorder can feel like, and I'm recognizing now, how much my eating habits were giving me a sense of control amidst chaos.
That's scary.
The more I read about healthy living and eating, the less guarantees there are about eating well. Some say eat fruits and veggies. Other say, no no, you can only eat organic fruits and veggies. Some say reduce your portions of red meat and other sources of animal fat. Others say, nono, pile on the meats or else you will lose your muscle tissues!
Apparently, there are no right or wrong answers to eating healthy, and it is based on one person's body type and knowledge of what is best for you-- specifically. At this point in time, however, I feel like there are very distinct right versus wrong decisions and I am either right or wrong. This mentality immobilizes me so that I'm in a state of fear... and hunger.
When did I become so dogmatic in my ways?
Friday, March 9, 2012
What works for me?
I am 1 week away from eating Paleo all month.
I see these blogs and bloggers write about substantial changes that I can’t relate to and don’t see for myself.
That’s been quite disheartening for me.
Unlike all them, I didn’t do pre- and post- measurements. I don’t know what my body fat composition was before. I also don’t know what it is now. And unlike them, I don’t feel like my body is going through any evident, dramatic change. But then again, I didn’t have any physiological problems to begin with. I don’t have gastrointestinal problems, food allergies, insomnia, or any dry skin issues. Hmm… although my skin has been dry lately. Still, I had no major health issues before; therefore, I am not experiencing any significant improvement/change now! Oh, and another difference between me and other people is my exercise level! I went from no exercise to excercising 3 days a week! How come I'm not having dramatic changes when they were exercising before, during, and after their Paleo conversions? I'm not losing 15 lbs, I'm not clearing up in my skin (OK I've never had acne), my joint pains aren't relieved (they've never been stiff), and I'm not sleeping any better either (I sleep the same, perhaps more poorly since I have to wake up early to go to the gym!).
For all these reasons, I wonder if Paleo is right for me. I question if I want to continue Paleo as a lifestyle change as opposed to a 30-day challenge. Do I need it? I mean, do I really need it to improve my quality of life? I mean, why adopt this into my life permanently if I sense no substantial change? Why eat so healthily ALL THE TIME when it’s so much easier to satiate my urges with delicious, immediately-satisfying processed foods?
Because next Friday is my 30 day end-date (and also Mr. Z’s bday), I will be eating cake. I will be consuming delicious cake (preferably ice cream cake). I also plan to indulge in some sort of cheesy pizza. At some point over the weekend (perhaps?), I will want hot broth with noodles. I envision having some Vietnamese rice noodles and eating the meat with some of the brown processed hoisin sauce. A good friend of mine has also offered to bake me one of her trademark desserts: pumpkin cheese cake rolls! Those are some of the cravings I fully intend to satiate.
Will I get back to Paleo afterwards?
...Maybe.
I’m curious if I’ll feel sick after I eat all that processed stuff. So many people have written about “cheating” on Paleo and feeling disgusting afterwards. I wonder if I will. I wonder if my body will actually sense the difference? A big part of me really hopes I will. It would be exciting to feel sick afterwards because it will mean that my body actually responded to the changes!
Realistically speaking, I probably will maintain Paleo in a non-strict way (probably inside the home). I will try to cook Paleo, shop Paleo, and bake Paleo as well. I will be more aware of processed foods, of chemicals and acids in the nutrition labels. But I don’t know if I’ll say no to processed food ALL THE TIME. I am a foodie. I want to eat what I feel like when I’m out at restaurants or at friends’ houses. I want to travel for the purpose of eating strange, exotic, special recipes! And if they're not Paleo, then sorry, I don't freakin' care. But I’ll definitely be more aware of what I’m eating and the contents of each item. In fact, I will compensate at home by eating simply, eating raw foods, and eating Paleo! And who knows? I can see myself doing strict Paleo every now and then as a form of detox! – Another 30 day challenge in a few months, perhaps?
Monday, March 5, 2012
Sitting with (no) hunger
I struggle with emotional hunger, hormonal hunger, or whatever the eff you want to call it. In my journey to being healthy, I have to fight this battle and win. I need to figure out why food often feels like a savior to me, both psychologically and physically.
In my family, my mom and I are known for getting sick when we get hunger. We both get headaches, we both feel nauseous, and we both have reputations for getting better immediately after we eat. In elementary school, I went home once a week for about a year because I had those symptoms. I'll never forget the time when my dad picked me and took me to eat at a steakhouse during the noon hour. The nurse was not able to find my mom, so dad had come to take me home. Since it was lunchtime, we stopped at a restaurant, where, for the first time, I felt like I had 1-on-1 bonding with my dad.... and a steak to myself! Afterwards, I was as healthy as a horse.
Today, my brother continues to make fun of me for being "sick" when I'm actually hungry. He makes fun of me for it, but the sickness feels very real. Because it feels so real, I actually fear being hungry and take preventative steps by making myself feel full. Even when I'm not actually hungry sometimes, I wait until I feel just a little hungry... and then I quickly take the opportunity to eat... even if maybe I'm not actually that hungry yet.
An example would be... now. It's 9pm right now and I am not hungry. I had a very (healthy) fat lunch this afternoon, eating sauteed bacon and kale, and spooning half an avocado with an entire tomato. The fat content of my lunch has kept me very full and satiated for the past... 7 hours. Wow. 7 hours! I should be celebrating not being hungry and not being nauseous or having a headache.
But instead, I am waiting very anxiously for a sign from my body to detect hunger. I am not able to work on my dissertation. I simply sit and keep sensing my body, waiting to see if it might possibly be a little hungry. I tempt myself by thinking quietly, "Hey! I have food just sitting in the fridge. I have pre-made so many paleo meals and snacks that I really want to go stuff them into my mouth!"
But the problem is that I'm not hungry and this reality makes me feel even more anxious than I can imagine. Why? Why?!
Is it because eating is how I relax?
Is it because eating allows me to watch TV, chat on the phone, and get away from my schoolwork?
Is it because eating requires cooking and prepping food-- and both things make me oh so happy?
Eating brings me so much joy. The preparation of it, the process of it, and the satiated feeling afterwards. I want to rush to it so badly, that I tend to overeat and to be overly sensitive to any sign of possible hunger.
So, as I sit here, I am fighting my body right now and stopping it from asking "Am I hungry yet?" every few seconds. I am waging a battle against my brain that incessantly questions, "what about now? now? now? Are you sure you're not hungry and you don't want to eat something? The kitchen is riiight over there..."
This. is. war!!!
In my family, my mom and I are known for getting sick when we get hunger. We both get headaches, we both feel nauseous, and we both have reputations for getting better immediately after we eat. In elementary school, I went home once a week for about a year because I had those symptoms. I'll never forget the time when my dad picked me and took me to eat at a steakhouse during the noon hour. The nurse was not able to find my mom, so dad had come to take me home. Since it was lunchtime, we stopped at a restaurant, where, for the first time, I felt like I had 1-on-1 bonding with my dad.... and a steak to myself! Afterwards, I was as healthy as a horse.
Today, my brother continues to make fun of me for being "sick" when I'm actually hungry. He makes fun of me for it, but the sickness feels very real. Because it feels so real, I actually fear being hungry and take preventative steps by making myself feel full. Even when I'm not actually hungry sometimes, I wait until I feel just a little hungry... and then I quickly take the opportunity to eat... even if maybe I'm not actually that hungry yet.
An example would be... now. It's 9pm right now and I am not hungry. I had a very (healthy) fat lunch this afternoon, eating sauteed bacon and kale, and spooning half an avocado with an entire tomato. The fat content of my lunch has kept me very full and satiated for the past... 7 hours. Wow. 7 hours! I should be celebrating not being hungry and not being nauseous or having a headache.
But instead, I am waiting very anxiously for a sign from my body to detect hunger. I am not able to work on my dissertation. I simply sit and keep sensing my body, waiting to see if it might possibly be a little hungry. I tempt myself by thinking quietly, "Hey! I have food just sitting in the fridge. I have pre-made so many paleo meals and snacks that I really want to go stuff them into my mouth!"
But the problem is that I'm not hungry and this reality makes me feel even more anxious than I can imagine. Why? Why?!
Is it because eating is how I relax?
Is it because eating allows me to watch TV, chat on the phone, and get away from my schoolwork?
Is it because eating requires cooking and prepping food-- and both things make me oh so happy?
Eating brings me so much joy. The preparation of it, the process of it, and the satiated feeling afterwards. I want to rush to it so badly, that I tend to overeat and to be overly sensitive to any sign of possible hunger.
So, as I sit here, I am fighting my body right now and stopping it from asking "Am I hungry yet?" every few seconds. I am waging a battle against my brain that incessantly questions, "what about now? now? now? Are you sure you're not hungry and you don't want to eat something? The kitchen is riiight over there..."
This. is. war!!!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Excitement!
Confession: I have a mini-crush on my gym trainer. He is a good source of motivation to wake up early and go to the gym. He is a good example of fitness and Paleo eating. He is nice enough to let me text him to ask all sorts of questions at all times.
Is that bad? Is that embarassing to admit? Am I being so healthy these days because of a cute guy?
I've had to re-assess whether my commitment to eating Paleo and working out regularly is because of him. Is it?
Am I invested in eating Paleo and going to the gym because I'm attracted to someone who is practicing this kind of lifestyle?
In order to get this answer, I've been doing 2 weeks of self-monitoring and assessing myself. After much self-reflection and self-assessment, my answer was no. Then yes. Then maybe. And now, no. Although maybe could still be an option later.
The reasons I say yes is because I am exposed three times a week to someone who is Paleo and super duper committed to working out and looking goooood while helping me do it. The other reason is that when he seemed disinterested in me, I jumped off the Paleo bandwagon and cheated immensely: eating ice cream cake and spinach artichoke dip. After that meal, I was so mad at myself and wondered if I changed my eating habits for him . Crazy question, right? But it wasn't. It was a very honest question that I had to answer.
As I've continued to work out with him, I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't like me (romantically), and yet, I'm still determined to work out regularly and to eat as healthily as I can. After realizing that this was the answer, I changed my answer to no, because I am committed to healthiness because I CHOOSE TO BE. I'm not following this healthy lifestyle because of someone else. I'm doing it for me. Besides, I started working out even before hiring him to give me my 10 workout sessions.
Meanwhile, I've also realized the perks of liking someone, even if it is just a one-way street. It's nice to have a crush, to flirt, and to look at a guy who has a fit bod and who is so-patient with telling me how to improve my body/health. Maybe that's why I've found him so attractive. For the first time in my life EVER, I feel attracted to someone for who he is rather than what I imagine him to be.
I have NEVER liked anyone for the simplicity of who they are. It's always been who I project them to be. I imagine and wonder what kind of boyfriend they would be. I fantasize the possibilities of them being a good husband, a good father, a good son-in-law, etc. etc. I create endless scenarios about having a future together, when in truth, I don't even know them that well at the beginning. This time around, however, I imagine nothing about my trainer and want nothing more. I'm simply look forward to meeting with him to , learning from him, watching him, and also checking him out while watching his moves. Haha! Talk about living in the present! That's exactly what I'm doing. Enjoying the present and not flying off into possible dreams of the future.
My tendencies to skyrocket into la-la land make this crush all the more meaningful. It's sooo nice to like someone just for who they are, and to want nothing more. I like my trainer because he's a) nice, b) patient, c) hot, d) physically healthy and seemingly emotionally healthy, e) knowledgable, f) passionate about nutrition and health sciences, and e) has a gorgeous body.
That's it! Those are the facts! And those are based on my real experiences rather than my imaginations. It's great to just like someone and leave it at that. At this point in time, I want nothing from him other than the enjoying of being able to feel attraction toward someone. It's unfamiliar for me to just like someone and not want more. However, I am also in-touch with myself enough to know that I do not want to be in a relationship right now. I cannot offer myself to anyone right now. I refuse to make compromises or sacrifices right now. And I simply don't know enough about myself to even date to be in a relationship right now.
These realizations bring me back to my initial statement about being honest. Am I doing Paleo and working out routinely for someone else? Is this another example of adapting to someone else (because I like them or were in relationships with them)? I can firmly say that the answer is no. No, because I'm aware now that I adapt too easily to others' hobbies and interests. It's true that I pride myself on being open-minded and able to like many many things. But to actually call it my "hobby" is different. In the past, if the person I was dating had hobby ____, then I would also be open to having hobby ___, or interest ____. I didn't even know I was doing it, but I did!
I do not want to do that again.
Instead, I want to learn more about myself these days and to nurture myself into being physically and emotionally healthy. I am still in recovery! I am still healing from the last relationship! And I need to learn more about me. Which is why (for now) I am just so happy to be able to feel attraction for someone. Being able to just like someone makes me happy. But it's also just a perk, and not the reason I'm striving for holistic healthiness. I mean, come on! I started this blog months ago!
Is that bad? Is that embarassing to admit? Am I being so healthy these days because of a cute guy?
I've had to re-assess whether my commitment to eating Paleo and working out regularly is because of him. Is it?
Am I invested in eating Paleo and going to the gym because I'm attracted to someone who is practicing this kind of lifestyle?
In order to get this answer, I've been doing 2 weeks of self-monitoring and assessing myself. After much self-reflection and self-assessment, my answer was no. Then yes. Then maybe. And now, no. Although maybe could still be an option later.
The reasons I say yes is because I am exposed three times a week to someone who is Paleo and super duper committed to working out and looking goooood while helping me do it. The other reason is that when he seemed disinterested in me, I jumped off the Paleo bandwagon and cheated immensely: eating ice cream cake and spinach artichoke dip. After that meal, I was so mad at myself and wondered if I changed my eating habits for him . Crazy question, right? But it wasn't. It was a very honest question that I had to answer.
As I've continued to work out with him, I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't like me (romantically), and yet, I'm still determined to work out regularly and to eat as healthily as I can. After realizing that this was the answer, I changed my answer to no, because I am committed to healthiness because I CHOOSE TO BE. I'm not following this healthy lifestyle because of someone else. I'm doing it for me. Besides, I started working out even before hiring him to give me my 10 workout sessions.
Meanwhile, I've also realized the perks of liking someone, even if it is just a one-way street. It's nice to have a crush, to flirt, and to look at a guy who has a fit bod and who is so-patient with telling me how to improve my body/health. Maybe that's why I've found him so attractive. For the first time in my life EVER, I feel attracted to someone for who he is rather than what I imagine him to be.
I have NEVER liked anyone for the simplicity of who they are. It's always been who I project them to be. I imagine and wonder what kind of boyfriend they would be. I fantasize the possibilities of them being a good husband, a good father, a good son-in-law, etc. etc. I create endless scenarios about having a future together, when in truth, I don't even know them that well at the beginning. This time around, however, I imagine nothing about my trainer and want nothing more. I'm simply look forward to meeting with him to , learning from him, watching him, and also checking him out while watching his moves. Haha! Talk about living in the present! That's exactly what I'm doing. Enjoying the present and not flying off into possible dreams of the future.
My tendencies to skyrocket into la-la land make this crush all the more meaningful. It's sooo nice to like someone just for who they are, and to want nothing more. I like my trainer because he's a) nice, b) patient, c) hot, d) physically healthy and seemingly emotionally healthy, e) knowledgable, f) passionate about nutrition and health sciences, and e) has a gorgeous body.
That's it! Those are the facts! And those are based on my real experiences rather than my imaginations. It's great to just like someone and leave it at that. At this point in time, I want nothing from him other than the enjoying of being able to feel attraction toward someone. It's unfamiliar for me to just like someone and not want more. However, I am also in-touch with myself enough to know that I do not want to be in a relationship right now. I cannot offer myself to anyone right now. I refuse to make compromises or sacrifices right now. And I simply don't know enough about myself to even date to be in a relationship right now.
These realizations bring me back to my initial statement about being honest. Am I doing Paleo and working out routinely for someone else? Is this another example of adapting to someone else (because I like them or were in relationships with them)? I can firmly say that the answer is no. No, because I'm aware now that I adapt too easily to others' hobbies and interests. It's true that I pride myself on being open-minded and able to like many many things. But to actually call it my "hobby" is different. In the past, if the person I was dating had hobby ____, then I would also be open to having hobby ___, or interest ____. I didn't even know I was doing it, but I did!
I do not want to do that again.
Instead, I want to learn more about myself these days and to nurture myself into being physically and emotionally healthy. I am still in recovery! I am still healing from the last relationship! And I need to learn more about me. Which is why (for now) I am just so happy to be able to feel attraction for someone. Being able to just like someone makes me happy. But it's also just a perk, and not the reason I'm striving for holistic healthiness. I mean, come on! I started this blog months ago!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Grocery Shopping, Week 2
A few days ago, I spent roughly $100 on groceries. $100! That amount of money used to last me for weeks! But now it’s going to only get me through this week and probably even less because I'll need more veggies!!
After hitting the gym on Match Day morning, I went into shopping mode. Last time I went shopping, I ended up running out of protein (i.e., meat) and doing a lot of cheating (in my eating) so I wasn’t starving. But this time, with my Match celebration in mind, I was liberated to shop and get what I normally wouldn’t-- dessert-wise!!
Here are my purchases:
Proteins:
Ground buffalo
Ground lamb
Lamb chops (2)
Canned oyster
Organic chicken broth? Does that fit here?
Veggies & Fruits:
Leek
Celery
Carrots
Canned organic pumpkin
Bananas
Apples (unpictured because they were already put away)
Fats:
Almond butter—crunchy
Organic coconut milk (2)
Desserts:
Vanilla extract
Organic dark chocolate
As I put away the groceries that day, I finished off the can of oysters. I couldn’t imagine cooking an entire meal and waiting for it while starving, so I needed some protein into my system. Man, I can’t begin to tell you how yummy that was, the nutty, salty flavor of seafood, mixed with the rich silkiness of extra virgin olive oil! The oysters help me last through my very own process of making homemade delicious organic pumpkin soup!
For my pumpkin soup, I simply sautéed diced onions, garlic, celery, and carrots. I added salt, garlic salt, and some pepper. Then I blended it all with organic canned pumpkin and lastly, added some coconut milk. You can see my result below! I cannot wait to have this for the rest of the week! See my large batch? It’s quite filling!
Organic pumpkin soup straight from the blender!
Add cayenne pepper and some parsley on top for decoration and color :)
Paleo update
I am proud to share my Paleo update so far!
As you can guess, then, after we partied and partied and partied, I was happy to get home, change into PJs and fall into super deep and restful sleep. It was exactly what I needed and had been craving all week.
In the morning, I woke up and treated myself to making Paleo pancakes. I mixed together an egg, almond flour, a sprinkle of cinnamon and nutmeg, mashed up an entire banana to the mix, and threw in some chopped-up frozen peaches and strawberries. The result? A sweet sweet pancake!
It was sooo nice to be sober, non-hung-over, and to be eating healthy the day-after-a-celebration!
On the night of Match Day (Fri 2/24/12—forever imprinted into my memory), I knew I had to be careful with staying Paleo! That night, I had a dinner party with friends and colleagues at an American restaurant. I ordered as simply as possible: Cheeseburger! But I had them remove the buns and replace them with additional veggies like bell peppers. I also asked to have no cheese whatsoever, and I substituted sweet potato fries for regular potato shoestring fries. I had to do lots of explaining to those sitting next to me, but for the most part, it was quite successful and less awkward than I expected!
After dinner, however, when we changed locations to this club/bar that our friend owns, the peer pressure came one at full-force. There were waaay too many opportunities to drink, and SOSOSO many uncomfortable moments when I declined. I haven’t experienced peer pressure like this ever!
Friends would come up to me and shake their heads because I had no cup in hand. Because it was my celebratory night, everyone expected me to drink until I passed out. Every friend wanted to buy me a drink—and even my students— those I’m currently teaching, purchased shots to peer-pressure me into drinking!
Friends would come up to me and shake their heads because I had no cup in hand. Because it was my celebratory night, everyone expected me to drink until I passed out. Every friend wanted to buy me a drink—and even my students— those I’m currently teaching, purchased shots to peer-pressure me into drinking!
Haha! I got this image from a site called: "Top ten 21st Birthday Survival Tips"
(Although I am far from being 21 by now...)
One particularly difficult conversation was with two dear Latino friends who would not take no for an answer. They refused to get water for me, and they said it would ruin their reputation to order something other than hard alcohol. They reasoned that if I wanted a clear drink, I could have vodka or whiskey, but absolutely no water. Later, they invented other excuses, like the bartender refused to serve water, and would only serve alcohol. You would not believe the lies they came up with trying to get me to drink. But I persisted. I really did, and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do! My one moment of pride was when another student asked to buy me a drink. I told him about my Paleo attempt and he understood. He is an athlete himself so instead of pushing me on the subject, he backed up, said that he really respected what I was doing, and then offered to get me whatever I wanted – even if I just wanted water. That was cool.
Did you know that alcohol gets in the way of nourishing, deep sleep? While alcohol can make you sleepy, it stops you at the shallow level of sleep that can be easily interrupted and definitely less restful.
As you can guess, then, after we partied and partied and partied, I was happy to get home, change into PJs and fall into super deep and restful sleep. It was exactly what I needed and had been craving all week.
In the morning, I woke up and treated myself to making Paleo pancakes. I mixed together an egg, almond flour, a sprinkle of cinnamon and nutmeg, mashed up an entire banana to the mix, and threw in some chopped-up frozen peaches and strawberries. The result? A sweet sweet pancake!
It was sooo nice to be sober, non-hung-over, and to be eating healthy the day-after-a-celebration!
Almond flour Paleo pancakes with bananas, peaches, and strawberries
At night, I drove an hour to meet friends to celebrate and to have Spanish tapas! We all ordered our own dishes and I tried to eat paleo by having ceviche and a lamb dish. The ceviche was salty, sour, and perfectly mixed with lamb, shrimp and some fish. The lamb was moist and tender and absolutely delectable! It was seated on a bed of skillet potatoes, so I did cheat a little. I also had a few bites of paella-- but come on, that has to be understandable. It's paella!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
A waste of...
I have an aversion toward wastefulness. I hate wasting time, food, energy, you name it! I cannot stand wasting.
My brother is currently dating a woman who I really like. My only (but major) annoyance is her tendency to waste food. She'll take a couple of bites out of her meal and throw the rest away. She'll order a giant steaming cup of coffee and toss it after just a couple of sips.
Wasting. Whether it's a tangible object thrown away or emotional investment thrown into the wind, I find it gut-wrenching.
Case-in-point: all of my failed relationships.
I look back and feel like I've wasted a lot of unneccessary time, energy, resources, and potential on boys/men who have broken my heart. My friends comfort me of course. They say, "Nono! Those are life experiences. You will grow from them and you will know more about what you want."
My friends are partly right. I agree that I'm growing (and will continue to grow) from the challenges that life throws at me. At the same time, I still look back and feel like I've wasted way to much time with people who weren't appropriate for me. A good friend once gave me some wise words of comfort when I asked if I was a magnet for mean men. She said that I wasn't necessarily problematic as a person. But I do tend to hold onto relationships even after seeing all the red flags. Whereas most people would see the problems and say, "thanks but no thanks! I release you back int othe sea!" I don't let them go, and I instead continue to hold on and to have hope.
So maybe that's the wasted time. Perhaps none of my ex-partners were a waste of my life experiences. But the length of time I spent with them could have definitely be shortened. From now on, I want to place more value on my time and to make sure I don't waste anymore than I already have.
Speaking of waste... the paleo diet is scaring me because of how much "waste" I have to clean out. I have so many yummy foods and snacks that are considered NONpaleo, but that I don't have the heart to throw away. What am I supposed to do with my ricotta cheese? My soy milk? My soy sauce? My tofu? My mango and milk ice cream bars? My chocolate drumsticks with peanut chips on top? My sesame balls wrapped in rice? Throw them all away? That would be wasting -- and wasting is so heartbreaking for me!
My brother is currently dating a woman who I really like. My only (but major) annoyance is her tendency to waste food. She'll take a couple of bites out of her meal and throw the rest away. She'll order a giant steaming cup of coffee and toss it after just a couple of sips.
Wasting. Whether it's a tangible object thrown away or emotional investment thrown into the wind, I find it gut-wrenching.
Case-in-point: all of my failed relationships.
I look back and feel like I've wasted a lot of unneccessary time, energy, resources, and potential on boys/men who have broken my heart. My friends comfort me of course. They say, "Nono! Those are life experiences. You will grow from them and you will know more about what you want."
My friends are partly right. I agree that I'm growing (and will continue to grow) from the challenges that life throws at me. At the same time, I still look back and feel like I've wasted way to much time with people who weren't appropriate for me. A good friend once gave me some wise words of comfort when I asked if I was a magnet for mean men. She said that I wasn't necessarily problematic as a person. But I do tend to hold onto relationships even after seeing all the red flags. Whereas most people would see the problems and say, "thanks but no thanks! I release you back int othe sea!" I don't let them go, and I instead continue to hold on and to have hope.
So maybe that's the wasted time. Perhaps none of my ex-partners were a waste of my life experiences. But the length of time I spent with them could have definitely be shortened. From now on, I want to place more value on my time and to make sure I don't waste anymore than I already have.
Speaking of waste... the paleo diet is scaring me because of how much "waste" I have to clean out. I have so many yummy foods and snacks that are considered NONpaleo, but that I don't have the heart to throw away. What am I supposed to do with my ricotta cheese? My soy milk? My soy sauce? My tofu? My mango and milk ice cream bars? My chocolate drumsticks with peanut chips on top? My sesame balls wrapped in rice? Throw them all away? That would be wasting -- and wasting is so heartbreaking for me!
Healthy coping?
In my quest to cope with internship anxieties, I have really been actively pursuing my fitness and diet. 2 entries ago, I wrote about having a super-productive morning and making delicious food. That was actually only yesterday morning, and today, I decided to make the same thing since my other pork chop was just sitting in the fridge!
I took pictures of my dish and present it below. It's simple, fast, easy, and wonderful for Paleo eaters as well as anyone who simply likes meats and veggies together. I also LOVE heavy breakfasts that fill-me-up, but anyone wanting to try this can eat this at any time: breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacktime, even!
Anyways, here it is: my yummy porkchop salad! (My apologies in advance for being a poor picture-taker. This is why I'm not a food blogger and why I rarely post pictures)
I made this dish in less than 15 minutes. First, I marinated my porkchop in Worcestershire sauce and let it hang out while I chopped up some red cabbage and tomatoes. I had boiled some asparagus in hot water (for 4 minutes) yesterday and took it out of the fridge to add some color onto the dish. Once my veggies were prepared, I grilled up my porkchop and ta-da! There you have it!
Because my porkchop wasn't marinated long enough, I decided to add some sauce to my veggies to give it some flavor. I poured on some paleo mayo that I made a few days ago, and I am serious when I say that I can eat this day every. single. day.
My paleo mayo was an experimentation based on a recipe I read in another blog. But because it turned out too salty, I also blended in some coconut milk and threw in a few slices of oranges to give it a sweeter tang and a saucy texture. In total, I blended all of these ingredients to make this sauce: raw eggs, olive oil, dijon mustard, salt, cayenne pepper, apple cider vinegar, and then my own spin using coconut milk and some orange slices.
Delicious, I tell you! And beautiful to look at too, since I'm striving to eat a rainbow everyday to get all my colorful veggies and nutrients!
I took pictures of my dish and present it below. It's simple, fast, easy, and wonderful for Paleo eaters as well as anyone who simply likes meats and veggies together. I also LOVE heavy breakfasts that fill-me-up, but anyone wanting to try this can eat this at any time: breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacktime, even!
Anyways, here it is: my yummy porkchop salad! (My apologies in advance for being a poor picture-taker. This is why I'm not a food blogger and why I rarely post pictures)
I made this dish in less than 15 minutes. First, I marinated my porkchop in Worcestershire sauce and let it hang out while I chopped up some red cabbage and tomatoes. I had boiled some asparagus in hot water (for 4 minutes) yesterday and took it out of the fridge to add some color onto the dish. Once my veggies were prepared, I grilled up my porkchop and ta-da! There you have it!
Because my porkchop wasn't marinated long enough, I decided to add some sauce to my veggies to give it some flavor. I poured on some paleo mayo that I made a few days ago, and I am serious when I say that I can eat this day every. single. day.
My paleo mayo was an experimentation based on a recipe I read in another blog. But because it turned out too salty, I also blended in some coconut milk and threw in a few slices of oranges to give it a sweeter tang and a saucy texture. In total, I blended all of these ingredients to make this sauce: raw eggs, olive oil, dijon mustard, salt, cayenne pepper, apple cider vinegar, and then my own spin using coconut milk and some orange slices.
Delicious, I tell you! And beautiful to look at too, since I'm striving to eat a rainbow everyday to get all my colorful veggies and nutrients!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Noting my good morning
A quick update on my morning so far!
I got up quite early to make it to my 7:15am training session with my crossfit instructor. I grabbed a couple bites of almonds and apple on the way out and the spent the hour huffing and puffing, trying to do presses and squats and abmats—trust me, these terminologies feel unfamiliar and intimidating for me.
When I got home around 9am, I took Mr. Z. for a walk and then grilled up a porkchop for myself on a bed of red cabbage and tomatoes. I should have taken a picture because my breakfast was delicious and colorful! Having made my very own homemade mayonnaise the other day – also known as “paleo mayo”—I felt incredibly productive and creative in my meal of art! I video-chatted with my mom while preparing my breakfast and she just about drooled before climbing into bed (she’s on the opposite side of the world right now)!
I’m celebrating this little success today because I feel good, albeit tired. I feel productive, energized, inspired, and hopeful. In contrast, when I went to bed last night, I felt anxious, alert, nauseous, and hyperactive. Not a good combination for bedtime.
My stress (and anxiety) is at an all-time high as I think about the news coming on Friday morning. At approximately 8am this Friday, I’ll hear back about my internship to know where I have “matched”. I’ll know if/where I’m going for the next year. The upcoming future will no longer be an ambiguous cloud of “I could be anywhere”. As I’ve been waiting, I can only sit on my hands and feel like I’m walking on pins and needles, simultaneously. The wait game makes me uncomfortable. And my alternative/coping is to work on something else, like… dissertation-- which is even more uncomfortable because I’d rather avoid that altogether.
Hence, the working out, the eating healthy, the sleeping early lifestyle. This is my best coping mechanism so far!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Why write about Paleo?
Just a quick note about me going paleo...
I feel vulnerable.
I'm just saying out loud so I can battle my fears.
I feel vulnerable sharing (with the world) that I am attempting a diet and trying to eat healthy. I feel naked and exposed and fearful about failing and being witnessed to fail. This is where chubbiness has its perks. If I act like I don't care about eating healthy, then no one will expect me to look healthy/fit. But if I set a goal like going paleo (which is a HUGE deal), then there will be expectations..... and consequently disappointments.
I don't want to disappoint anyone. I don't want to disappoint you, you, you.... or myself. Because if I feel like I disappoint someone or anyone, I will feel ashamed. And I do not want to feel ashamed.
Soo... the reason this paleo diet is relevant to my empowerment is that this is new for me. And potentially liberating. Presently, it is terrifying. I'm baring something new for me. And I'm a little scared, a little hopeful, and a lot anxious. I hope no one will point-a-finger at me if/when I fail to say, "but you said you were going to do ______, and you didn't. You failed."). I don't want anyone to feel like I'm a failure, because as it is, I WILL feel like I've failed when I don't see results.
Nevertheless, I'm determined to do something new to be healthier. I want to push myself to be physically healthier and to also be mentally healthier and more positive about me. I want to try risk-taking and sharing my flaws, my limitations, and my areas for growth. I really want to be empowered by this process.
I feel vulnerable.
I'm just saying out loud so I can battle my fears.
I feel vulnerable sharing (with the world) that I am attempting a diet and trying to eat healthy. I feel naked and exposed and fearful about failing and being witnessed to fail. This is where chubbiness has its perks. If I act like I don't care about eating healthy, then no one will expect me to look healthy/fit. But if I set a goal like going paleo (which is a HUGE deal), then there will be expectations..... and consequently disappointments.
I don't want to disappoint anyone. I don't want to disappoint you, you, you.... or myself. Because if I feel like I disappoint someone or anyone, I will feel ashamed. And I do not want to feel ashamed.
Soo... the reason this paleo diet is relevant to my empowerment is that this is new for me. And potentially liberating. Presently, it is terrifying. I'm baring something new for me. And I'm a little scared, a little hopeful, and a lot anxious. I hope no one will point-a-finger at me if/when I fail to say, "but you said you were going to do ______, and you didn't. You failed."). I don't want anyone to feel like I'm a failure, because as it is, I WILL feel like I've failed when I don't see results.
Nevertheless, I'm determined to do something new to be healthier. I want to push myself to be physically healthier and to also be mentally healthier and more positive about me. I want to try risk-taking and sharing my flaws, my limitations, and my areas for growth. I really want to be empowered by this process.
Week 1 of Paleo
In my attempts to chronicle my striving to be paleo, I've taken pictures of the groceries that I purchased this weekend. If I haven't mentioned it already, the paleo diet also has a sustainability focus that encourages purchasing organic fruits and vegetables, as well as grass-fed meats. So, over the weekend, I went to an organic co-op store and spent waaaaay more money than I ever thought possible to feed just one person.
I made special efforts to purchase foods I don't normally eat because come on! variety is the spice of life, right? In summary, my purchases are organized below:
Veggies:
Kale
Red cabbage
Cauliflower
Onions
Asparagus
Fruits:
Apples
Oranges
Meats:
Grass-fed ground beef
Grass-fed pork chops
Canned sardines in water
After spending about 1 hour wandering in the little organic stores, I spent the next 5 hours cooking! I made a cauliflower mash (which is the equivalent to mash potatoes), a stuffed eggplant (literally stuffed with its insides plus some onions and garlic), pico de gallo (using my onions and tomatoes from an earlier shopping trip), and some stir-fried ground beef with onions, garlic, and jalapenos. My last dish was a mixture of kale and button mushrooms. I still have 2 pork chops sitting in the fridge defrosted and just waiting for my next move. I figure that will be easy. Some marinating in some sauce, and presto-change-o! I will have another source of protein. I'm also waiting for another day to use my red cabbage to make some sort of slaw using paleo mayo! The thought of making my own mayonnaise and creating my own slaw is too exciting-- and therefore, I must exercise my enthusiasm for later.
As it is, even if these dishes don't sound much, the extravaganza of cooking 5 dishes took me 300 minutes from start-to-finish. 300 minutes!!! As in 5 hours!!! I was exhausted afterwards, and even now I feel surprised by myself. I hope this paleo thing works out for me and I can maintain some shred of self-control when my sugar cravings dominate me. I also hope I don't overeat because there's no mention of portion control anywhere on the paleo blogs that I've been surfing. I would ask my trainer at the gym, but seeing as I've harassed him all weekend about food, I should probably give him a break. At some point, though I have to address this issue of overeating. I've already found myself feeling extremely heavy in my stomach because of all this protein I'm consuming.
For once, I miss breads! And I sooo miss my cheese, my soy, and just my beans. I crave sugar in an obsessive way too, so I desperately google youtube clips to watch cooking shows that encourage me to wait and cook later to make my own healthy sweets.
self control, self control, self control....
I made special efforts to purchase foods I don't normally eat because come on! variety is the spice of life, right? In summary, my purchases are organized below:
Veggies:
Kale
Red cabbage
Cauliflower
Onions
Asparagus
Fruits:
Apples
Oranges
Meats:
Grass-fed ground beef
Grass-fed pork chops
Canned sardines in water
After spending about 1 hour wandering in the little organic stores, I spent the next 5 hours cooking! I made a cauliflower mash (which is the equivalent to mash potatoes), a stuffed eggplant (literally stuffed with its insides plus some onions and garlic), pico de gallo (using my onions and tomatoes from an earlier shopping trip), and some stir-fried ground beef with onions, garlic, and jalapenos. My last dish was a mixture of kale and button mushrooms. I still have 2 pork chops sitting in the fridge defrosted and just waiting for my next move. I figure that will be easy. Some marinating in some sauce, and presto-change-o! I will have another source of protein. I'm also waiting for another day to use my red cabbage to make some sort of slaw using paleo mayo! The thought of making my own mayonnaise and creating my own slaw is too exciting-- and therefore, I must exercise my enthusiasm for later.
As it is, even if these dishes don't sound much, the extravaganza of cooking 5 dishes took me 300 minutes from start-to-finish. 300 minutes!!! As in 5 hours!!! I was exhausted afterwards, and even now I feel surprised by myself. I hope this paleo thing works out for me and I can maintain some shred of self-control when my sugar cravings dominate me. I also hope I don't overeat because there's no mention of portion control anywhere on the paleo blogs that I've been surfing. I would ask my trainer at the gym, but seeing as I've harassed him all weekend about food, I should probably give him a break. At some point, though I have to address this issue of overeating. I've already found myself feeling extremely heavy in my stomach because of all this protein I'm consuming.
For once, I miss breads! And I sooo miss my cheese, my soy, and just my beans. I crave sugar in an obsessive way too, so I desperately google youtube clips to watch cooking shows that encourage me to wait and cook later to make my own healthy sweets.
self control, self control, self control....
Eating paleo?
I've been working out regularly for the past 3 weeks now! That's by far the longest and most consistent schedule I have ever had when it comes to doing something physical! I also have a one-on-one trainer that I'm working with... at least for the next 5 sessions. He's a graduate student like me, except his speciality is in nutrition and he has tuned me into a way of eating that I'm quite interested in pursuing.
Have you heard of the paleo diet? It has been referred to as the "cavemen" diet because it goes all the way back to how our ancestors ate, waaaay back in the day. As hunter-gatherers, they ate natural unprocessed foods, relying on meats, vegetables, fruits. I don't really understand why they didn't eat beans, but apparently, on the paleo diet, no legumes (aka beans) are allowed. No dairy is permitted. And absolutely positively no grains.
This diet would have been so fun when I was a child. It would have meant eating just steak and getting to push aside the other things on my plate. But now, as an adult, I'm accustomed to eating everything on my plate, including breads! And even though I've grown up disliking bread, I've adjusted myself to crave bread!
Which is why this diet is so hard. Even harder because it's the hardest thing in the world for me to give up my cheeses. Goodbye to yogurt, to milk, to butter, to sour cream. Sayonara hummus, chili with beans, and edamames as well. It's also unbelievable to me that I have to give up soy-- no more soy milk AND no more tofu! That just seems ridiculous to me, but oh well.
In some ways, even though I don't understand the anti-bean (legume) argument, I do understand that in this day and age, our soy products aren't really natural, hence, going paleo means getting away from any additional toying with natural, whole, raw foods. In that sense, I get it. But I do have soy milk sitting in my fridge. And I have soy sauce and tofu in my cupboards. I have flour, I have cookie, bread, and cake mixes, and I also have cheese waiting for me in my fridge. What am I supposed to do with those?
Last week, I mentally committed myself to what is called the 30-day-Paleo challenge which is a cleansing out of everything other than what I am permitted to eat (veggies, fruits, meats). But then I crashed and burned multiple times when I got sugar cravings, when I went out with friends and peer pressure got the best of me, and when I ate cake, and more cake, and cheese spinach artichoke dip with tortilla chips.
Still, I'm trying to start, so I'll give myself credit. I figure, this is a really important part of my being healthy: mentally but also physically. I'm going to pay attention to what I put in my body, and I'm going to give it the same emphasis I give to feeding Mr. Z. healthy foods. What's funny is that I buy "limited ingredient" foods for him, meaning I spend additional money to make sure he is eating unprocessed, whole foods, like sweet potato chips and duck liver crackers. I don't make that much of an effort with myself though.... so it's time.
Have you heard of the paleo diet? It has been referred to as the "cavemen" diet because it goes all the way back to how our ancestors ate, waaaay back in the day. As hunter-gatherers, they ate natural unprocessed foods, relying on meats, vegetables, fruits. I don't really understand why they didn't eat beans, but apparently, on the paleo diet, no legumes (aka beans) are allowed. No dairy is permitted. And absolutely positively no grains.
This diet would have been so fun when I was a child. It would have meant eating just steak and getting to push aside the other things on my plate. But now, as an adult, I'm accustomed to eating everything on my plate, including breads! And even though I've grown up disliking bread, I've adjusted myself to crave bread!
Which is why this diet is so hard. Even harder because it's the hardest thing in the world for me to give up my cheeses. Goodbye to yogurt, to milk, to butter, to sour cream. Sayonara hummus, chili with beans, and edamames as well. It's also unbelievable to me that I have to give up soy-- no more soy milk AND no more tofu! That just seems ridiculous to me, but oh well.
In some ways, even though I don't understand the anti-bean (legume) argument, I do understand that in this day and age, our soy products aren't really natural, hence, going paleo means getting away from any additional toying with natural, whole, raw foods. In that sense, I get it. But I do have soy milk sitting in my fridge. And I have soy sauce and tofu in my cupboards. I have flour, I have cookie, bread, and cake mixes, and I also have cheese waiting for me in my fridge. What am I supposed to do with those?
Last week, I mentally committed myself to what is called the 30-day-Paleo challenge which is a cleansing out of everything other than what I am permitted to eat (veggies, fruits, meats). But then I crashed and burned multiple times when I got sugar cravings, when I went out with friends and peer pressure got the best of me, and when I ate cake, and more cake, and cheese spinach artichoke dip with tortilla chips.
Still, I'm trying to start, so I'll give myself credit. I figure, this is a really important part of my being healthy: mentally but also physically. I'm going to pay attention to what I put in my body, and I'm going to give it the same emphasis I give to feeding Mr. Z. healthy foods. What's funny is that I buy "limited ingredient" foods for him, meaning I spend additional money to make sure he is eating unprocessed, whole foods, like sweet potato chips and duck liver crackers. I don't make that much of an effort with myself though.... so it's time.
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