Having shared values

I'm heading over to Jay's tonight and in the morning, his parents will be driving into-town. What will this weekend be like? I've been stressing out about the living arrangement ever since last week!

With his parents in-town:

• Should I still sleep over? 
• If so, how would we (all 4 of us) sleep in a 1-bedroom apartment?
• Can I bring Mr. Z again?

Jay had replied yes to my 1st question last weekend, but I've still been confused. Fortunately, I checked-in with him last night to ask about Mr. Z and to ask if I should sleep over on Saturday. His response:

"I think it might be best if we just did Friday night. At least for the first time you meet my parents. Is that OK?"

Um, yes. Absolutely, yes. I'd prefer it that way, actually. The last thing I want is to have his parents think of me as some loose girl who sleeps over easily with boys. How mortifying. Especially in my culture, their perception of me would also reflect on my family as well. That is simply unacceptable if they judge my family by association. Also, I can't imagine all 4 of us (plus Mr. Z) in a small apartment staring at each other throughout the weekend.

Still, I am a teeny disappointed that he doesn't want me to stay the entire weekend. I have mixed feelings of course, but I'm mostly relieved. Without being consumed by anxiety, I also have feelings of gratitude! It's so nice to have shared values with the person you're dating-- especially because this is a fundamental value, right? How to introduce your parents to your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Valentine's Day Weekend Recap

I had the best Valentine's Day Weekend celebration ever!
Jay sent me a gorgeous bouquet of red roses the night before Valentine's day with a card that said:

"Sher, I hope you enjoy these roses. The first of many more to come! I'm so blessed to have you (and Mr. Z.) in my life. Will you be my valentine? -- Jay"

He told me it was an accident that the delivery came so early, as he planned for it to arrive on Valentine's day so that he could get here first and unwrap the flowers and have it in a vase and ready to hand to me, personally. If that's the not the sweetest plan ever, I don't know it is! At least, in my life, so far!

On the actual Valentine's Day (Friday), Jay got here just in time for me to whisk him away to dinner, where I wined & dined him over a 4 course meal. We sat on a beautiful balcony with twinkly nights and he said it was his first and only experience of being taken out and treated in such a special way. When we got home, I gave him a puzzle card, and in it, a riddle that I wrote:

"Riddle me this: you've lit up my life in H-ville, now it's my turn!"

He asked for another hint, to which I said: "our first date in H-ville," and immediately, he responded with "biking?" and he knew immediately that I had gotten him bicycle lights. He loved my gift! :)

On Saturday, Jay accompanied me to a cultural event and made my night. He did the same thing on Sunday morning, and I've since realized that I can be 100% myself when I'm with him.  Is this what it's like to find someone that complements you?

This Valentine's weekend, I felt like he was my shadow. I was no longer self-conscious or worried about having to entertain or host him. I felt comforted by his presence. I also felt comfortable being in my own skin... for the first time. 

In fact, late Saturday night, he worked on his bike in the living room while I baked doggy cookies for Mr. Z. and for Jay's brother's dog, Roscoe. We had the TV on in the background, we were both working in silence but contentedly with each other's company, and it was comfortable. We were in autonomous and doing our own thing, but we were also in synchrony.

This weekend was sooo great.

Something positive

Jay and I talked on the phone for awhile before he left for his conference trip this weekend. He had a 6am flight to catch.

Before hanging up, he added (on his own, I might add): "I'll text you when I get to the airport. You'll be sleeping, but that way, you'll know I'm safe. I'll also text you between my connecting flight and when I get to my final destination. I won't forget, ok?"

And he did. 

All those times.

Finding my inner-peace

I had dinner with a friend/colleague last night and unintentionally, we got to talking about deep-deep-deep issues about trauma, abandonment, love, loss, grieving, and searching for spiritual meaning in our lives.

Our get-together was somewhat surreal. It was very personal. I felt very vulnerable. I got to be very emotional. I'm pretty sure he felt the same way too.

At some points, I wasn't sure if I should share so much of myself.  I'm glad I did though. I actually learned more about myself as I talked.

I realized that I can reach a little bit of peacefulness each day... if I'm really in-touch with myself and really present in the moment.

On my walks with Mr. Z., I sometimes reach a different state of mind, where I am entirely immersed in my walk and with nature. I can feel the breeze in my hair, the sunlight hitting my face, the sound of the grass moving, and the chirping of the birds. It can feel magical to have so much of my senses activated.

In those moments, I can feel gratitude and contentment in ways I have never felt before. I can feel appreciative of where I am in life today. I can feel optimistic about the future (whatever that may come), and I can let go of the past as something far away from the here-and-now. I can just be.  In those few minutes that I am so in-touch with nature, I can feel a connection with the world, with humanity, with compassion. It can last for a split second, and rarely more than a couple of minutes.  Nevertheless, in that time frame, I realize realize that it is actually possible for me to be at peace.