I always assumed that I would be on birth control in a long-term, monogamous relationship. I was on it during the 2 years that I was with B., and after we broke up, I stopped, with the expectation that I would resume in a subsequent long relationship.
In the last few weeks, Jay has asked me about birth control since I suggested this as an option several months ago. Today, I went to the doctor's office and picked up my new dose of medicine.
For some reason, I feel a little hesitant to commit. I had this concern when I first tried birth control years ago. It felt like such an offering to give to my partner at the time-- yes, it had been B.
I know it's wrong to think I'm on birth control for him; instead, I should think I'm on birth control for us! or for me!-- but I don't think that way. I still experience it as a sacrifice because I'm experimenting with my organs for his pleasure (and mine too, kind of).
In my head, there's an unspoken tit-for-tat exchange. It's a contract that says: "you better not screw me over because of all the changes/sacrificing I am making."
I know it's wrong to think I'm on birth control for him; instead, I should think I'm on birth control for us! or for me!-- but I don't think that way. I still experience it as a sacrifice because I'm experimenting with my organs for his pleasure (and mine too, kind of).
In my head, there's an unspoken tit-for-tat exchange. It's a contract that says: "you better not screw me over because of all the changes/sacrificing I am making."
It's so scary to make such a significant change for one person; because that one person has the ability to break you in a million pieces if they ever wanted to.
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