I am acknowledging where I am at.

Emotionally speaking, I am having more bad days than good.

Last night, I happened to listen to Beyonce's song, "Best Thing I Never Had" and I burst into tears.  I'm not talking about tasteful, artistic, tears that make you think of elegance.  My tears exploded and burst out and I started gasping for air before even realizing what was happening to me.

Mostly, what I've been feeling these days has been extreme dichotomy.  At least once a day, I feel grateful to be alone, relieved that I am no longer in a relationship that drains me, and I feel freed from myself as well-- expectations I had for myself when I am in a relationship (no matter who he is).

And on those same exact days, I also can't help but feel a very visceral hole within me-- as though part of me is gone and I am either bleeding out little by little, or I am just very empty and very hollow.

Sometimes, I feel relief and grief at the same time.