Contentment

Throughout my process of navigating grief, loss, and past loves, I have neglected to write a little bit about the current love of my life: Mr. Z.  He may be a dog, alright, but he certainly shows me love everyday and makes me feel like I am special, important, and a very necessary part of his life.

When I was home over the last week and a half, my family fell head-over-heels-in-love with Mr. Z.  They adored him, and in turn, he loved them all: each and every one of them.  Funnily enough, this scenario is always what I wished for.  I always hoped I could one day be with someone (ahem, a mature man) who could blend into my family and win all of their loves.  I wished that he would embrace my family with the same love I have for them, and that they would reciprocate a similar level of respect and liking towards him.  Thus far, I have not met a boy like that.  And I have not ever brought a boy home who was like that.

Mr. Z., however, did all of that and more. And to this day, he continues to surprise me because of the joy that fills my heart when I see him.  Perhaps me doesn't surprise me; I surprise me!  My feelings for him surprise me! While I was at home, my brother commented on how much I loved Mr. Z. and asked if I had ever felt that way for anyone before.  My answer?  No.  Absolutely and positively no.  The feelings that I have for Mr. Z., I would have never labeled it as "love".  It's not on-par with the feelings I have had for ex-boyfriends.  It is totally different.

The way I feel for Mr. Z. is so natural, so easy going, and so secure.  Perhaps that is why it is unlike any other romantic relationship I have ever had.  I don't try to change him.  I don't have any expectations of him.  And I don't fear that one day he will leave me or that he will love me less than before.  I simply think about him when I can, wonder what's best for him, and try to give him as much as I can to maximize his health and well-being.  That's it.  That is all I do.  Is that love?  If so, then I'm finally understanding what pure, raw, unconditional love is.  And I have never felt that for anyone before.  Ever.